Tuesday, February 24, 2009

On adoption agency "Social Wreckers"

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."
Benjamin Spock

When I met a woman I will call "M", she seemed nice enough. I actually liked and looked up to her after we met on one fateful day, at the lovely maternity home where I was residing. I still don't think she is a horrible person, just biased as hell in regards to working as a social worker at an adoption agency. While there, she counseled many young women who were scared, vunerable and trying come to grips with what to do in facing an unplanned pregnancy. I was one of those young women and I have a beef with her. Why, you ask? Because she was an adoptive mother and she was there to convince people that they were making the "right" choice, regardless if they were or not. I cannot speak for the other young mothers, but this mother did not make the right choice.

She was on a mission to pursuade all of us how "wonderful" adoption was. She was there to to tell her story of the "ultimate adoption" experience that she had with her birthmother. She spoke of how she met and bonded with her birthmother while awaiting the birth of "her" baby. She also spoke of how birthmother reiterated that the baby she was carrying was not hers, but their baby. (Please excuse me while I go throw up. Every time I hear someone say that, I cringe). Social worker confided to me that birthmother said she had no feelings for her baby and that she was more than happy to provide her child to them, an infertle couple, then walk away and never look back. Social Worker then said something that was rather alarming to me. She said that if birthmother ever tried to get her baby back, then she and her husband would leave the country. "That is MY baby and noone will take her from me!" exclaimed Social Worker. I guess I should have seen the red flag on this day, as well. This woman looked downright crazed at the thought of someone taking "her" baby and just told me she would pack up and leave the country if said childs mother wanted her back.

No, that is not your baby. Someone entrusted you to raise her child because she was probably convinced (by people such as yourself), like so many others, that she was not good enough to be a mother to her own flesh and blood. You and your cohorts probably convinced her that YOU would be a better option because you had more cash and you were married. All of you who believe that just because you are infertle and happen to have loads of money to spare that you are entiltled to someone elses child, (because of that fact that you have more disposable income AT THE PRESENT TIME than a mother), then you are sadly mistaken. Who the hell gives you the right to feel that you are entitled to anything, especially someone else's child?

One afternoon I recall telling Social Worker that I considered taking my baby home with me for a day, to spend time with him before I said goodbye. She looked horrified and demanded "Well, you need to let them know!", "them" being my son's adopters. "You can't take their baby home and not let them know". "They have a right to know what you are going to do with their baby"! This is one of those instances that I wish I could go back in time and change what I would have said to someone, because had she said this to me NOW, here is what my response would be (then, I did not say anything; sat there dumbfounded):

"Excuse me? Did you just have the audacity to say to me that I had to have permission from some strangers to take MY CHILD home with me from the hospital? Please tell me you did not just say that? You did just say that. Well, let me tell you something... I will take MY child anywhere I damn well please. Excuse me again while I tell you it is none of yours or anyone elses business should I decide to take my child anywhere. Perhaps I will take him out of the country, because that is MY baby and noone will take MY baby from me. You can relate to that statement, now can't you Social Worker M; relate to wanting to up and leave the county with my child that some woman is trying to steal from me with her lies and deception. I know you can, because you are that woman. Now please get out of my face and get back on your high horse and ride off into the sunset. I hear it is nice in hell. Now that would be a good country for you to escape to..."

1 comment:

  1. Hey hi there...wow, what a terrible social worker--why not name the bitch? she never should have been in that position...
    I have mixed feelings about my social worker.I came to think of her as a friend/therapist (ever notice how the word, broken up is The Rapist?) but now I'm not so sure how I feel about her. She was the instrument of the stinkin' sealed-records law in New York and since that sucks...
    welcome to my blog, by the way--
    lorraine dusky from firstmotherforum.com